Staaahp

You sent me a picture late last night. 

White girl stop sign.

I replied.

Changed priorities ahead sign

Nothing.

You're good at nothing.

Entp how do you not have feelings like we do? I can't grasp it. And that's unusual for me.

C told me you two had a creation debate and you called him.

I'd give a lot to hear your voice.

Call you on your birthday? 😬

imiss-you-

Nah I'll live.

The purge

No contact today.
It's good that I didn't stress over it.
We acted like friends.

Well texting worked for now.

I went through my planner from last fall during my purge today.
I found a drawing I did. It's of your glasses and eyebrows when you make that face. It made me smile.

I remember watching you through the reflection of my laptop in American Lit. We seriously had fun in that class.

That's when you made the tear-able puns joke.

It took me weeks to figure it out.

I would always try to look nice for that class.
I'd text you summaries. Try to time when I left my dorm so I could catch you and walk with you.

I remember trying to make you study for the final. It was awful. I made you pass that class. Don't know how we did it.

I never judged you for your grades. And grades are so important to me. I guess you were more important.

I'll probably throw up when I see you.

Just a little over a month now.

Also.

Also you would look drop dead gorgeous in a tux. K agrees. You were made for a tux. 😏

Temporary fix

I got you back for about 24 hours. I don't know how I feel about that.

Kind of good actually.

We talked some this afternoon. Light conversation. Called you out on Twitter.

I just really want to hear your voice.

Game Changing.

You texted me.

You actually texted me.

We're talking right now.

What.

You asked me about my summer.
We talked about psychology.
I asked you point blank why you texted me.
You said something lame about how you were texting everyone.
Then I asked you why you never replied in May.
You apologized. And it was really sincere.

Now we're talking like old times.
This is crazy.

Paying my dues to the dirt

If you love somebody, better tell them while they're here, cause, they might just run away from you.

I found vines you did last year. I missed your voice so bad I didn't know it.

M is riding down with me to school. We were talking logistics.

You were supposed to road trip with me.

I must have imagined it a thousand times. And I imagined the part where I'd drop you off with your family and meet them again. Imagine their concern at the rest of the drive I had. Maybe even there'd be a standing offer for me to stop and stay if I'm driving through.

I imagined telling stories in the car. Getting closer. Lots of laughing and silly arguments. A good philosophical debate. Singing along to our favorite songs. Planning our futures.

I wanted to have that with you.

Instead I'm spending my time figuring out what I'm going to text you on your birthday. I committed to that text.

Oh, how am I gonna get over you?
I'll be all right.
Just not tonight.

Twitter

I was walking through Kroger, looking at mangoes. My phone buzzed, and I checked it.

You followed me on Twitter.

Which honestly sounds like a crazy thing to flip over.

But you don't use your Twitter. Ever. You didn't know that I followed you nearly a year ago because you never even logged in.

And then you chose to follow me. Like I know you thought about it.

I'm still standing in Kroger. Frozen.
I can't even process what the mangoes look like. I ended up buying bananas I didn't even want because I already had an open produce bag.

What were my most recent tweets?
How far would he go back?
Would he see the way I acted with the entp account? What would be his deduction?
Would he find a vague tweet about him?
Would he think I was pathetic?
What will I tweet next?
Is he going to pay attention to anything I tweet?
Is this a test?

I basically shook all the rest of the way through Kroger. Couldn't remember what I needed.

Sat in the car and stared at the notification. Picked through your profile again. Read the tweet you posted right when you followed me about how you still didn't like Twitter.

Thought of 4697317905 things I could tweet.

I put my earbuds in, blasted my Pandora and drove home. Sara B.'s gonna get over you is great. I smiled because I knew three things.

1. I still really do love you
2. I'm not going to tweet any different because of this
3. Somehow my life is ok.